Arrhythmia of the Soul ~ the day I noticed my Soul skipped a beat

Often we try to be the person others perceive, or even want us to be, rather than remaining true to ourselves. I spent many years aspiring to be the person who I thought others would accept and love, only to discover the ‘person’ was only a shell, and I didn’t know how to be her.

I was exhausted. It was only after I had a serious health scare that I threw caution to the wind and decided to get to know the real me. This is probably one of the most confrontational things I’ve ever done in my life; taking a good, long hard look at oneself isn’t a walk in the park.

I was a workaholic – I worked incredibly long hours, yet something was missing in my life. After years of defining myself as Michelle the marketing manager, I wondered who Michelle the human being was, and why I had abandoned her.

It was then that I realised that I had lost myself … and my Soul skipped a beat.

After I looked beyond the superficial and began to look deeper, I discovered a soulful woman; she had compassion, strength and a great sense of humour. I found that I began to draw people to me with whom I felt comfortable and for the first time in my life I didn’t feel like an outsider.

So the question is: How do we stop being who we aren’t?

How can we shed the mask of the people-pleaser, and the obsessive need for acceptance and love? And how do we escape from that corset of self-dout and negative self-talk that keeps us so inhibited?

Finding me wasn’t easy – in fact it was rather messy. I made mistakes, and experienced disappointments and failure. I read and researched, and engaged in endless conversations with my friends, even losing some along the way to betrayal and ignorance.

Perhaps one of the hardest lessons I had to learn was the fact that it is in many people’s best interest for you not to find yourself.

As I began to walk my spiritual pathI found some friends joined me, while others fell away – threatened by the unknown or unfamiliar, I couldn’t say. At first I was hurt and confused, wondering if I had done something to offend. But soon I realised that I had reached a fork in the road, and that I’d taken one direction, while some of my friends had taken the other.

Now in my search for love and acceptance, I had become the perpetual rescuer. Add this to my workaholic tendencies and I was displaying all the negative attributes of the solar plexus archetype – the servant; the diligent and dedicated worker who focuses closely on details, works quite thoroughly, and serves others well to their satisfaction.

I was also very good at giving my power away; when a friend got into trouble, or needed help, I would make them my responsibility. I would try to ease their path and make the hurt go away.

While it wasn’t wrong for me to show compassion and understanding, to was wrong for me to take over their lives and to treat them like victims. What I was doing wasn’t empowering them; rather it was doing quite the opposite.

I made some mistakes. But what I did learn is that you have to make mistakes to find out not only who you are, but who you are not.

Read part 2 of my story.

About Michelle

A Soul Coach and healer, Michelle is a sought-after speaker and consultant.

She is passionate about her Soul Coaching® practice where she helps burnt-out executives who have lost themselves to rediscover their passion for their lives.

Michelle serves as a mentor for Denise Linn's current on-line professional training courses, "Gateway Dreaming," and "Soul Coaching® Oracle Card Certification" program with Hay House.

Michelle was a contributing author in the award-winning spiritual anthology, Soul Whispers II (Soul Wings Press, Sydney), which was published in October 2010.

With a rich and varied background in the healing arts, marketing, public speaking and writing, Michelle is also a Chakradance™ practitioner (a dynamic, moving meditation to balance and harmonise the chakras.

Michelle runs a successful private practice using these tools to help people "rediscover the sacredness of their lives."

Comments

  1. Oh wow MIchelle – thank you for this candid post, for sharing part of your personal journey. I had a couple of “light bulb moments” while reading this. First, that it’s a process for all of us – and each of our paths is as individual as we are.
    And secondly, this one hit me like a ton of bricks- (“Perhaps one of the hardest lessons I had to learn was the fact that it is in many people’s best interest for you not to find yourself”) Amen sister – I can identify with that!
    I loved reading about “the day your soul skipped a beat”.
    Thanks for the reminder that we are all in this journey together : ) , and that eventually we will be able to find our way.

    • Thanks Boho … it’s so easy for us to get caught up in who everyone wants us to be, rather than honouring ourselves … believe me, the day it hit me it changed my life forever … thanks for commenting!

  2. mbt shoes las vegas says:

    I have been examinating out some of your stories and it’s pretty nice stuff. I will make sure to bookmark your site.

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